Today I want to write a bit about memories. This is inspired by a post I saw on the V2EX forum titled "Do You Need to Clear Everything Related to Your Ex After a Breakup?," and I plan to share my thoughts on this topic.
First of all, I don’t intend to comment on the actions mentioned in the post. Regarding this question, my answer is: No, but the premise is to lay everything out, communicate clearly, and achieve mutual understanding.
Secondly, I have done the same, and currently, there are no issues; my child is almost one year old.
My ex, S, was my first love in the strictest sense, and I have almost no photos left — not because I was forced to delete them, but because I deleted them myself. The reason was that I didn’t want to see them after the breakup; it was too sad. I did this before starting my next relationship. Looking back now, I do feel a bit regretful because many things carry my past. If I had kept some photos, it might have been better. After all, as years go by, memories can be quite unreliable.
Is the past that important? It depends on the person. Keeping some traces doesn’t mean it’s for reminiscing about someone; it can also be a way to reflect on the person I was back then. These experiences and things have shaped who I am now and have even helped me become a better version of myself in some ways.
I still vividly remember when S suggested breaking up, and the reason was a typical "nice guy" excuse: we weren't compatible. Why weren't we compatible? Because there was no feeling of being in love; in today’s terms, I was too "straightforward." I didn’t understand this at the time, and it took me a long while to slowly grasp the meaning of those words.
I saw some past records in a QQ album and realized how "incomprehensible" I was. This helped me understand some of the things she said and reflect on my own behavior. Those lingering fragments helped me piece together that immature version of myself and also helped me grow more mature in subsequent relationships, making me better at loving someone.
Why weren’t those records deleted? Because at that time, I was too sad and only knew to delete albums, leaving some remnants elsewhere. This indicates that distributed storage is necessary; don’t put all your eggs in one basket... When I saw them, I had already calmed down, so I didn’t delete them later.
When I first got together with Shero, she liked to dig into my past and naturally came across some photos. At that time, she would tease me, and I seriously told her my viewpoint, stating that I wouldn’t delete them. Not deleting them wasn’t for the sake of reminiscing about her; it was simply my past. Even if I deleted them, the past would still be the past and wouldn’t change. From another perspective, if she didn’t delete her photos with her ex-boyfriend, I would hold the same viewpoint and wouldn’t feel upset. Of course, at that time, to make my point, I used a metaphor saying that if she became my ex-girlfriend, I wouldn’t delete our photos together — the consequence was that I got slapped right there...
She would occasionally bring it up jokingly, and I tend to think that she cared a bit at that time, but later she probably understood — at least that’s my guess.
My social circle is fully visible, and it naturally includes photos with S from ten years ago, including some QQ albums that I haven’t deleted. I also haven’t deleted S’s WeChat or QQ, but we’ve never interacted. Since my social circle is visible, sometimes when Shero plays with my phone and sees S’s posts, she turns to me and says, "Look, what is your Sisi doing?" I just smile and let it go.